Life sucks…except it doesn’t. I’ve been on the up and up with accomplishment after accomplishment, praise, offers and more, but it’s been hard to appreciate any of it. Work ethic leaves little time for sleep or recharging.
Lately, I’ve been losing control of my attention. I can only pay attention for so long and so many hours before my mind starts drifting to 100 different things at once. Then I start overthinking and, chile, it’s a whole mess! The deadlines seem to never keep coming and the breaks I take never seem long enough. Negative feedback and criticism also switch my motivation from “I got this!” to “Why do I even bother, what’s the point?”
As a result, I feel like my brain is melting and can’t stop dwelling on the stress and negative emotions I feel. It really sucks, especially when I’ve worked so hard this year and have had so many great things happen since then. I’ve barely had time to celebrate myself or really feel good about it because I’ve just been going nonstop since late February.
It got to the point I had to schedule times for…um…stress relief. But that’s another topic. ANYWAY, I also had to schedule time to sleep for like 2-3 hours at a time, to eat at least once a day, and to spend time with friends. I didn’t really have time for that last one but still crunched it in anyway. Journalism is not as easy as it looks, especially when it’s 5 classes (4 of them writing-intensive) AND an internship.
Sooo, as a result of all the stress and pressure, I adopted somewhat of a f*ck it attitude. When I’d notice I was spending more than 3 hours on a single task or assignment, I’d just go f*ck it and send in whatever, whether it made sense or not because at that point, I was past the point of caring.
I was so consumed with all this writing and meeting deadlines that I also had no time for my favorite– face masks and skin care treatments. So I’m walking around a dusty girl. I don’t glow and it’s not cute.
My lack of self care showed physically, but I masked the mental effect it was having on me. I had to learn to numb my emotions because its way too much. So now I’m just empty. So yeah, lack of self care can drain the color out of life and everything good that may happen while you’re busy exhausting and neglecting yourself. I know from firsthand experience.